The first few days...

I've decided to start keeping this journal secretly, until we share the big news. I've already got a couple of handwritten entries, which I'll recreate here tonight, but then I'll simply add to the blog everyday. The hard part about this is that I will be unable to update the blog while I'm on vacation from December 25th-January 2nd.

12/19/04
I had a dream this morning; a vivid dream. I dreamt that I gave birth to a little boy; a strong baby boy. He lifted his head right up to look at me. Kevin was there, but he went to tell some family who were waiting to hear that the baby had been born and the nurse asked me what the baby's name was. I told her I thought I knew, but I'd have to wait for my husband to come back to make sure. Then I woke up.

Every morning Kevin takes my temperature, in addition to charting a few other phenomena that I experience monthly. We were anticipating my period since today was day 31 of my cycle; my longest one before that had been 30 days. Sixteen or more high temperatures means you're pregnant. We weren't worried because this was only about day 13 of high temperatures, if my temperature was high. So anyways, he took my temperature and it was the highest it had ever been: 98.3.

I'm kind of worried as we get ready for church, but Kevin takes it all in stride as usual. We've been here before: high temperatures and a longer cycle. He's not worried. I tell him about my dream on the way to church and he doesn't blink an eye. At church we sit in the back because I'm literally sick with worry. I notice every pregnant woman and new baby in the place; I don't hear a word of the sermon. On the way home I ask Kevin if we can pick up a home pregnancy test later today. He says he'd rather wait to see what the temperatures say tomorrow, and I agree...what's one more day?

We head back home to wait for Kevin's sister, Kristin, to call us for lunch. She does and we all head to Chili's. As we get in the car to head home, I ask Kevin to stop at the Walgreens near our house because I want to pick up a pregnancy test. He does and we get a two pack, just in case I'm not satisfied with the first results or need additional proof. We've bought and taken pregnancy tests once before, so this isn't something new.

We know it's best to wait until the next morning to take the test, but I decide to try one as soon as we get home. Kevin sits down and turns on the TV while I head to the bathroom. I read the directions; one line = not pregnant, two lines = pregnant. I do the test and set the stick down...the results are immediate even though it says to wait 3 minutes. I still time it just in case it changes (that sounds logical doesn't it?). Then I open the door to the bathroom and Kevin looks up, "Well?". I motion for him to come over and take a look. I hand him the test and the directions. I'm so overwhelmed I can hardly speak. Kevin decides to read the pamphlet more carefully and spouts off the probablility of a false test result. He's skeptical as usual, but the two lines are enough evidence for me.

I tell him I think I need to lie down and we head upstairs. We look at our charting and realize it's a miracle of God if we really are pregnant because the date of conception means we connected over two forms of birth control. I take a nap and after I wake up, we go for a walk. It seems to have sunk in a little, but is still surreal. Kevin asks if I'll take the second test and I tell him I'll do it tomorrow. We chat about potential changes, when/how to tell family and friends, and what to do about prenatal care; my medical insurance runs out in January.

We decide we'll tell only parents this week, over Christmas, and wait for everyone else until after our first appointment or first trimester. As we go to bed, we decide that if the second home pregnancy test comes back positive, we'll call and make an appointment with an ob/gyn tomorrow. I've already done some research and know exactly where I want to go for our prenatal care (www.bwhc.com).

12/20/04
Oh my goodness! I didn't sleep almost the whole night. My mind was racing and I was hot, like in temperature. I came downstairs around 4:00 or so, then slept for a couple hours, woke up at 6:30 and had to take the second test. It showed up positive too. After taking the second test, it was like I was at peace. I went upstairs and fell straight in to a sound sleep.

As we woke up, I whispered to Kevin "Congratulations! You're going to be a daddy!" and he said "You take the second test?". I nodded and that was that. Kristin is still in town, but she sleeps late, so I take a chance and call the birth center to make an appointment. The girl I talk to tells me they usually don't see patients until 8-12 weeks and we make an appointment for January 13, 2005. She says they'll do an ultrasound and we'll hear the baby's heartbeat! How exciting is that!

We take another walk today and talk about more changes, how it's hard to be excited when it doesn't seem real. I've already started watching what I'm eating, drinking more water, and taking my prenatal vitamins consistently. We come home and Kristin and I decide to go shopping. I feel bad; I'm so quiet thinking about everything, but I know if I start talking I'll so want to tell her what's going on!

After we get home, I fall asleep exhausted on the couch and Kristin actually has to wake me to tell me she's leaving; I feel like a horrible host again, but figure she'll understand once she knows. I realize that the woozy feeling I had on Sunday at Mom and Jerry's house and the tiredness I experienced this weekend must have been due to the beginning of this pregnancy.

Later that night, I casually start looking at baby names and Kevin gets interested. We talk about whether we'd be more comfortable with a boy or a girl. Kevin adds me to his insurance today with the U of A, so that's covered. We've decided I won't take a full time teaching job, but just substitute this spring so I can choose which days I work and which ones I need off.

The last thing we did tonight was head to Bookman's to pick up some books on pregnancy since neither of us really have the slightest idea what's going on or what will be happening in the months to come!

12/21/04
Thank goodness for peaceful sleep! I woke up slowly this morning and took my shower first. Before I left I asked Kevin if he wanted to "kiss the baby". He pulled my shirt up so my stomach showed and kissed it lightly.

I think part of my apprehension about realizing we were pregnant was how Kevin would react. We've always known we would wait to have children until he graduated from school and we're both still pretty young! I asked him if he was ready to be a dad, ready to give up parts of his carefree college/young married lifestyle. He responded with "Ready or not, here we come!". He's really been great so far and I think he's excited, but waiting for reality to sink in before being outwardly excited.

I haven't decided yet how we'll tell the parents...either we'll wrap up little baby things (like booties or a pacifier) or I've got a card put together we can give to them to share the big news! I'm more and more anxious to just tell SOMEONE!

Today I realized that I'm not allowed to ski or snowboard over our Christmas vacation in Virginia. I am soooo.... disappointed. However, the bigger issue is what to tell the family when they ask why I'm not participating(see, I've always gone snowboarding on our winter vacations together). We decided we'll tell them I crashed on my bike and am not feeling up to much physical activity yet.

I've chatted with Pam (Kevin's mom) a few times since we found out we're pregnant and it's so hard not to tell her! Also, I risked calling my mom tonight just to chat. I was afraid I wouldn't know what to talk about, because I want to tell her too, but she did most of the talking, so that worked out well!

That's about it...I've noticed that I only feel nauseaus when I don't eat often enough, so I've taken to eating a little bit all day instead of three big meals. Also, my pants fit in the morning, but by evening I have to unbutton them. Those are some of the changes so far! I'll keep you posted!